It's a saturday night
here i was, just thinking about my life when i remember i had a blog that is pretty much dead. so maybe this post won't be seen by anyone.
I'm sitting here, alone in the room, with this beautiful, soft melody playing in the background and i feel this great urge to express some of these feelings or thoughts I've been having these few days.
I close my eyes and all I see is this dock. This dock with a beautiful view displayed right in front of me. The white wisps of clouds, making different shapes and sizes but yet creating this peaceful masterpiece when seen as a whole. The soft orange colour of the sun looks back at me, as though comforting me. The once baby blue sky now mixed with colours of red and pink with an ever so slight tint of grey, as though it knows how i actually feel. I close my eyes and it seems as though the other senses come to life. I hear the peaceful yet assuring noises from the waves kissing the shoreline. I feel the wind lovingly caressing my face, smoothening the crinkles formed from the worries. I smell the salt of the sea and i'm willing it to just take away the worries in my mind, even if it was just for a moment. I'm sitting on the edge, with my feet dangling, occasionally i'll touch the water surface and i feel the slight chills it give me, but they're rather comforting.
I let myself bask in this calming sensation all around me but in my heart of hearts, i feel this hurricane of emotions. It's as though all the insecurities, fears and worries wielded together forming this huge whirlpool and i can't help but feel like i'm drowning at times. I'm at the stage of my life where i am contented with everything i have and everything i have worked hard to achieve. But it's as though the sea is my future. I can see it, i can feel it but i'm terrified to take that first step. That first step to dive right into my future. I look back and i see reassurance, i see security. But i know i'll never be happy if i stay here, if i ground myself down.
But just for now, just for right now, let me breathe in everything so it can slowly seep in. I need time. I wish you understood that.
But all in all, i'm really grateful for everything in my life. I know for a fact that i am truly blessed. But i'm only human, and i wish you would understand that.
in the quiet hours of the night, you often occupy my thoughts but i can never tell you that because this is the best ..... it is the best for both of us
I'm sitting here, alone in the room, with this beautiful, soft melody playing in the background and i feel this great urge to express some of these feelings or thoughts I've been having these few days.
I close my eyes and all I see is this dock. This dock with a beautiful view displayed right in front of me. The white wisps of clouds, making different shapes and sizes but yet creating this peaceful masterpiece when seen as a whole. The soft orange colour of the sun looks back at me, as though comforting me. The once baby blue sky now mixed with colours of red and pink with an ever so slight tint of grey, as though it knows how i actually feel. I close my eyes and it seems as though the other senses come to life. I hear the peaceful yet assuring noises from the waves kissing the shoreline. I feel the wind lovingly caressing my face, smoothening the crinkles formed from the worries. I smell the salt of the sea and i'm willing it to just take away the worries in my mind, even if it was just for a moment. I'm sitting on the edge, with my feet dangling, occasionally i'll touch the water surface and i feel the slight chills it give me, but they're rather comforting.
I let myself bask in this calming sensation all around me but in my heart of hearts, i feel this hurricane of emotions. It's as though all the insecurities, fears and worries wielded together forming this huge whirlpool and i can't help but feel like i'm drowning at times. I'm at the stage of my life where i am contented with everything i have and everything i have worked hard to achieve. But it's as though the sea is my future. I can see it, i can feel it but i'm terrified to take that first step. That first step to dive right into my future. I look back and i see reassurance, i see security. But i know i'll never be happy if i stay here, if i ground myself down.
But just for now, just for right now, let me breathe in everything so it can slowly seep in. I need time. I wish you understood that.
But all in all, i'm really grateful for everything in my life. I know for a fact that i am truly blessed. But i'm only human, and i wish you would understand that.
in the quiet hours of the night, you often occupy my thoughts but i can never tell you that because this is the best ..... it is the best for both of us
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