Sometimes.. it's better to let it be
You walk in the building, you tell yourself, it's time to put up the facade.
You build the air of confidence around you, you hear your heels clicking on the tile floor as you walk to the registration counter.
As usual, you choose a seat at the corner, smiling at those who make eye contact with you. You know, things are always clearer from the big picture, that why you sit at the back, to measure up your competitors, eyeing them one by one, trying to figure them out just from their looks, it's pathetic you know, but you do it anyway, because it calms your nerves.
Once you're satisfied, you feel the insecurities eating your heart out, you push it away as much as you can and wonder why they are coming back stronger than ever lately.
You tug at your wig, in hope to maintain the facade you're putting up, it works a little until you freak yourself out again.
You know this is the last interview you'll have this year, you're relieved but you know this is the most important one, your family knows it too but they pretend like it's no big deal. Panic rises from your chest up, you take a few deep breaths, as though trying to blow away the panic and insecurities. Futile attempt, your heart says.
You hear your number being called, you stand up and walk confidently to the door. You and two other girls enter the room, do the formalities and take your seat.
This is when the out-of-body experience truly starts. Throughout the interview, it's as though i'm watching you from the corner of the room, shaking my head, disappointed with the way you're performing.
You stutter, your throat closes up, your voice diminishes, i pity you, i know you can do better, i even had to look away.
After nearly an hour and a half, you walk out, you know you screwed the beginning, the later part was okay.
But when you're finally alone, you can't stop the tears from streaming down your face. For the first time, you don't bother to stop and you don't even bother finding out why you're crying. You know it's not healthy, but just for once, you let yourself wallow in self pity and self loathing. You rehash the failures in your life, you let them consume you for that moment. And for a while, i watch you as you sink deeper into crevasse of negativity.
But something happens, you tell yourself this is will the first and last time you'll cry over this trivial matter. You tell yourself that you're stronger than this. And then, a smile cracks on that fragile look on your face and it's the sign. The sign that it's time to return to your body.
I wiped my tears, I laughed at my actions, and I put it behind me.
Because.. sometimes... just sometimes it's better to just let it be.
You build the air of confidence around you, you hear your heels clicking on the tile floor as you walk to the registration counter.
As usual, you choose a seat at the corner, smiling at those who make eye contact with you. You know, things are always clearer from the big picture, that why you sit at the back, to measure up your competitors, eyeing them one by one, trying to figure them out just from their looks, it's pathetic you know, but you do it anyway, because it calms your nerves.
Once you're satisfied, you feel the insecurities eating your heart out, you push it away as much as you can and wonder why they are coming back stronger than ever lately.
You tug at your wig, in hope to maintain the facade you're putting up, it works a little until you freak yourself out again.
You know this is the last interview you'll have this year, you're relieved but you know this is the most important one, your family knows it too but they pretend like it's no big deal. Panic rises from your chest up, you take a few deep breaths, as though trying to blow away the panic and insecurities. Futile attempt, your heart says.
You hear your number being called, you stand up and walk confidently to the door. You and two other girls enter the room, do the formalities and take your seat.
This is when the out-of-body experience truly starts. Throughout the interview, it's as though i'm watching you from the corner of the room, shaking my head, disappointed with the way you're performing.
You stutter, your throat closes up, your voice diminishes, i pity you, i know you can do better, i even had to look away.
After nearly an hour and a half, you walk out, you know you screwed the beginning, the later part was okay.
But when you're finally alone, you can't stop the tears from streaming down your face. For the first time, you don't bother to stop and you don't even bother finding out why you're crying. You know it's not healthy, but just for once, you let yourself wallow in self pity and self loathing. You rehash the failures in your life, you let them consume you for that moment. And for a while, i watch you as you sink deeper into crevasse of negativity.
But something happens, you tell yourself this is will the first and last time you'll cry over this trivial matter. You tell yourself that you're stronger than this. And then, a smile cracks on that fragile look on your face and it's the sign. The sign that it's time to return to your body.
I wiped my tears, I laughed at my actions, and I put it behind me.
Because.. sometimes... just sometimes it's better to just let it be.
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