Metamorphosis

"One day, you will find your wings and soar."


Metamorphosis - I was always fascinated by this word, maybe because it was the first long scientific word that I could spell correctly or because of the whole concept of change. I am a person that resists change by all means possible, in many many ways, I hate change and if given the choice I would rather stay wherever I am forever. But inevitably, humans are changing creatures, the world changes by the minutes and trends change with the blink of an eye. Needless to say, I'm not one to be updated with the latest trends but I must admit i have change throughout the years. You see, in my eyes, metamorphosis brings the concept that change is usually for the betterment of life. The whole concept of evolution revolves around the fact that all the organisms undergo change so they can survive to produce the better species and survive within the battle of the fittest. And this is where I contradict myself. I resist change even though I know that change will bring goodness into my life.

The reason I'm saying all these, is because for the past month or so, I've been put in a totally new environment with new people and an entirely new lifestyle. I came here alone and I'm proud to say I've met a lot of amazing friends that I will most probably keep close to me for the rest of my life. But being here, it was obvious that I needed to change. For once, I embraced the idea of changing. I attempted building a whole different image around me and sad to say, I think it's not working so well for me. I came here feeling like an alien and although that feeling has reduced by a substantial amount, I still feel like an outsider sometimes. This has nothing to do with how my friends make me feel, in fact, they welcomed me with open arms. But being here, I guess it was just set in my mind that I am different. Sometimes I watch them interact and I wonder why can't I interact the same way as they do. More often than not, they make me feel older. But sometimes when I find that point of balance, I feel like I'm just as youthful as them. They constantly remind me that it's merely a difference of a few months, I shouldn't even be bothered by it, which is true. But to change a mindset, especially my own mindset, it takes time and effort. I sometimes just wish there is someone of the same background as me that I could share my feelings with. But maybe God just wants to challenge me by setting me aside from everyone else. By some miracle, I have ended up here alone, which begs the question, why me?

I've always been a very insecure person. It never crossed my mind that I am a special person in any way. Sometimes I feel like I've been made to make others feel better about themselves. Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's a bad thing, at least my purpose in the world is to make ppl feel good about themselves. Quotes like: "People don't remember the things you say to them, they remember the way you make them feel" make me feel like my purpose in life in worthwhile. However, it doesn't diminish the fact that i feel useless most of the time. My life has been good, too good in fact that I'm very sheltered. Meeting independent people with indescribable talents inspire me and I must say the talent here is endless. everywhere I look, I am surrounded by talented people. This is where change is needed. I am a talentless flop. Not even close to a jack of all trades. But I am going to change all that. Who's to stop me but myself?


For now, I am just a little caterpillar that is still trying to find her way into this new life of hers. But I believe, with determination and a clear goal, who's to say I won't be something in the future? So hopefully, by writing this down here, I will be reminded that within these 5 years, I will make something out of myself. My dreams are not only to be a good doctor but to be a good person that hopefully will inspire someone else to make a change.








"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. " Imagine - John Lennon.

Comments

Popular Posts