Hey! when did you come back? ...

and immediately after that statement, will be : so why did you decide to quit matrics?

i understand that people rather get the first hand answer from me and it feels like the whole thing is less true if it comes from someone else. but you know what, after nearly one and a half month since i left labuan, i really dont like hearing people asking me that question.

there are usually variations to the questions like matrics no good ha? you think form 6 easier meh? matrics only one year eh, what for you come back?

people, i hate it when you ask me those questions because i have to go back to a past where it still kinda hurts. dont judge me, i'm human and i have rights to have emotions. =.=

so my usual answer to those questions are: i'm just scared i wont get the course after matrics. then a string of questions shoots against me again.

alright, so let me clarify here (if anyone actually reads my blog), but anyway.

Matrics is actually pretty good, aside from the living condition there and the food, it's actually not that bad. if you have friends that is, i had a bunch of awesome friends there, so all the homesick feelings and stuff didnt really hit me that bad. and the syllabus there is easier than form 6 or a levels. plus the college organizes all these activities to build your character and stuff, and you really get to have a pretty cool experience in trying new things. anddd. according to what people say, it's easier to get into local u with the course you want. at this point, you must be wondering why i came back and your tempted to ask me more again. =.=

this is the true reason. after going through all the jpa shit, it just sort of punctured a huge gaping hole in my self esteem. i actually feel incompetent to pursue what i want. and frankly, i just got brain drain, i lost hope in the government because it felt like even if i managed to get four flat in matrics with all the kk marks and stuff, i still won't get what i want in the uni. then what would i be left with? i'll have to repeat the foundation course in some private u. wouldn't it all be the same in the end? i won't get what i want and i'll just be wasting my parents money. and truth be told, it feels like matrics wont be able to give me a strong enough foundation for the course that i'm about to pursue. and jpa sort of got me thinking about my ambition. maybe i'm having second thoughts hmm? but i believe form 6 will help me decide. and the syllabus here is really hard actually. so i'll be more prepared to face uni life next time. pluss.. i'll be more mature after this. andd. form 6 give me a chance to go into local u, private u and even overseas.

so there, these are the reasons why i came back. so dont freaking ask me why anymore. if you do, i'll literally shove a fork up your ass. ==

but, no one will read this, and there will still be people who will ask. but it feels good to let it out.

and in case any of the juniors got matrics, just go if you want to. it's a good place with good things for you. it's just that different people have different choices. and i've been through different things.